Hibernating thoughts

As the fall season draws to a close, signifying the the beginning of the winter season, multitude of thoughts run through my head. Its the hibernating season, a season to preserve, possible a season to look back, season to muse, mull and reflect. Have things changed? In some sense they have, but in some sense this winter is no different from the previous winter and it may be a long shot but the next winter may not be all that different. If life were a phrase, it would be 'Same old, same old'; a song, it would be U2's 'Stuck in a moment'; a movie, it would have been 'Groundhog day'. Everything is a manifestation of everything else. Changing forms, while one stares at the cave walls, the shadows play around making you believe that things have changed but in reality, there is no reality. I think I hear Plato laughing.

Blogger matrix

Agent Internets: Why, Mr. Blogger? Why do you do it? Why switch on the internet and login to your blog? Why write a new post ? Do you believe people are reading this shit? For more than narcissism? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know? Is it validation? Or acknowledgement? Perhaps information dispense? Could it be for fame? Or is it instant gratification? Or Freedom of expression?

Cognitive baises, Mr. Blogger. Vagaries of your thought process. The unfair rationales of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify a post that is without meaning or purpose. And all rationales as useless as your browser history. Although, only a human mind could invent something as insipid as freedom of expression. You must be able to see it, Mr. Blogger. You must know it by now. You can't pretend to not understand. It's pointless to keep posting. Why, Mr. Blogger, Why? Why do you persist?

Mr. Blogger: Dude, I don't know [pause] You were right internets, you are a time killer.

Heavily Inspired by this

Choices

Choices are the darnedest thing. When you have none, you want one; when you have one, you want some; and when you have some, you just want none! Life is indeed, an eventual outcome of the choices that we make. Maybe, it is an outcome of the choices that we don't make. In fact, its the unchosen path that haunts us more. The anguish, pain felt by walking down the imaginary 'What if only' road can be heart-wrenching. Maybe, unbearable for some.

It seems to me that eventually, the choice is between the 'head' and the 'heart'. Yeah, you may have a million choices, but they all boil down to those that your head wants to take, one that is logical, rational. And the other that your heart wants you to take, one that resonates with you at an emotional level. Should I do this or not? Should I take this step or not? Should I head down road x or z? Every choice is eventually a showdown between the head and the heart. And this showdown leads to dilemma, confusion, indecision, frustration, anger. I remember the cartoons, where they show an angel and devil on the shoulders of a character, and they both fight it out. The showdown is akin to those fights.

Maybe, God wanted it to be this way. He put all senses right between the head and the heart. Maybe to give unbiased inputs to both. So whenever there is a 'case' to be considered, the two lawyers battle it out with their arguments. While the heart has emotions, feelings in its arsenal, the head has logic and rationale in its quiver. The dreaded 'Guilt' and 'regret' arguments are used by both. Then, theres is the 'Past history' thing. The head throws the heart's past record in the face and says, "Your honor, these are the previous cases of forked roads, when the 'heart' way was chosen. And unfortunately, my esteemed friend here has always misled the court on a path to failure".

Very rarely do I find that the head and heart agreeing on anything.Man! it would have made things so much simpler. Maybe the head and the heart can never reconcile on any matter, maybe theres no common ground, maybe thats the way things are supposed to be. Who knows, God must be bringing popcorn and coke to watch the daily soap opera, with us mortals tearing ourselves apart at the crossroads. Maybe like Neo, we have already made the choice and are here just to see why we made them. Probably the thunder and lightening are God's 'LOLs' and 'ROTFLs'. (Dear God, it ain't funny anymore)

Whatever it is, the dichotomy that choices bring is something that we will never be able to escape. Lesson learnt: God may not be rolling dices, but maybe you should.

Book x++

I managed to finish Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse in a new record(personal best) time of 3 days. The book was reccommended by my friend. Now, an Indian named book by a German author, I had minimal expectations. But all my preconceived notions were blown away as the author brilliantly engrosses the reader in Siddhartha's journey from 'सिद्धार्थ' to 'Sid' to somewhere in between. The book is originally in German and the translated version for starters was a bit odd for me as I found the translation to be very literal and hence annoying. Either that or my 'left brained' mind couldn't appreciate the 'artsy' stuff of having grammatically incorrect verses manifesting in prose form.

Anyways, aside from this, the book is pretty nice especially the last conversation. For those who are interested in philosophy and spirituality and all that sort of crap. Worth reading.

अन्धकार.....

अन्धकार कभी-कभार अधिक भाता है
सब साफ़-साफ़ नज़र आता है

सब का हो जाता एक ही ढंग
और होता सभी का बस एक ही रंग
इंद्रधनू भी काला, केसू भी काला
रंगों में फर्क, न कोई बतानेवाला

हिरा कोयला बन जाए एक सामान
अन्धकार के साए में हैं दोनों पाषाण
यदि करोगे आँखों से तोल
लगेंगे दोनों उतने ही अनमोल

ऐसे अन्धकार से क्यों डरूं मैं
प्रकाश की पट्टी उतार फेंकूं मैं
स्वच्छ, प्रखर, निखर अन्धकार
निष्पक्षता का है आधार

उजाला फंसाए भ्रम और मिथ्या के जाल में
अन्धकार दिखाए सत्य, ऐसी हाल में
अन्धकार तब अधिक भाता है
जब उजाले से कुछ ज्यादा दिखाता है

अन्धकार कभी-कभार अधिक भाता है
सब साफ़-साफ़ नज़र आता है